Marriage is a beautiful thing for most of us but at some point every marriage goes through a rough phase where couples fight, try to get rid of each other and sometimes even want to end their marriage. If your are having problems in your marriage, do not wait too long to seek professional help. Marriage counseling which is also known as couples therapy can be very effective, especially if couples seek it out sooner rather than later. A certified marriage counselor helps couples overcome issues that are affecting their marriage.
According to Statista, in 2018, the marriage rate in the United States stood at 6.5 per 1,000 people of the population. This is a decrease from 1990 levels, when the marriage rate was 9.8 marriages per 1,000 people while the divorce rate stood at 2.9 per 1,000 of the population.
As of 2009, the average length of a first marriage in the U.S. was 8 years. The average age men were at when they went through their first divorce was 32, for women this was 30. The average length of a second marriage was about 10 years.
You should search for a certified marriage counselor who is experienced in couples therapy. Professional marriage counselors are everywhere and are willing to help couples facing issues in their marriage. You should meet more than one to choose the right one for counseling. It’s important that both partners feel comfortable with the counselor, so keep trying until you find the right person.
When People Need Marriage Counseling?
Marriage counseling, also known couples therapy, helps couples whether married or not to understand and resolve conflicts and improve their relationship. These couple therapists provide the same mental health services as other therapists, but with a specific focus on a couple’s relationship. Marriage counseling is often short term and specifically addresses martial issues among couples.
As mentioned above, if you are going through a rough phase in your marriage then seek professional help immediately but to make it easy for you to understand we have compiled a list of questions that would help you figure out when to seek marriage counseling:
- Is your partner not listening to you?
- Did your parents divorce?
- Do you often criticize one another?
- Is there a lot of defensiveness in your marriage?
- Are you in an interfaith marriage?
- Are you stuck on some issue for longer than usual?
- Are you experiencing endless fights with your partner?
- Do you tend to withdraw from one another?
- Do you feel contempt and anger for one another?
- Do you believe your communication is poor?
- Is there a presence of infidelity, addiction, or abuse in your marriage?
- Are you not having sex with your partner?
- Are you thinking about ending your marriage?
If your answer to most of the questions above, then your marriage might be at risk. It does not mean that divorce is inevitable. But it may mean that you have to work much harder to keep your relationship on track. A marriage counselor can help you take your relationship back on track.
Partners who have realistic expectations of one another and their marriage, communicate well, use conflict resolution skills, and are compatible with one another are less at risk for divorce. They still may benefit from counseling at times of transition or simply to reinforce their communication skills and strong connection.
Benefits of Marriage Counseling
The most studied, and effective, form of treatment is emotionally-focused couples therapy (EFT) developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. Research shows that this treatment is long-lasting and helpful with those of different ethnic and cultural backgrounds as well.
Dr. Sue Johnson talking about Emotionally Focused Therapy
Some experts believe that the effectiveness of marriage counseling is directly related to the motivation level of both partners and timing. For some couples, marriage counseling is really divorce counseling to help them save their marriage. For instance, one or both partners may have already decided to end the marriage and he/she uses the counseling as a way to announce this to their partner.
Sometimes, the problems in a marriage can be really longstanding for the counseling to be effective. For others, they don’t honestly share their concerns with the therapist.
There are also ways to gauge if counseling will actually work for your marriage. Counselors suggest that different types of couples may get more out of marriage counseling.
Couples that Get the Most From Marriage Counseling
If you see yourself here, you are likely to benefit from seeing a marriage counselor.
- Younger couples
- Non-sexist and egalitarian couples
- Couples who are still in love with each other
- Couples who are open to therapy and change
- Partners willing to look at themselves and their flaws
Couples that Get the Least from Marriage Counseling
If your marriage is more like these, counseling may not be effective for you. That doesn’t mean you should give up, but have realistic expectations.
- Couples who wait too long before seeking help of an online marriage counselor
- Marriages with one or the other spouse set on getting a divorce
- Married individuals who are closed to any suggestions that may save the marriage
- Marriages with one partner addicted to alcohol, drugs or pornography
- Marriage with one partner showing up to sessions but is not invested in the work
Solutions Learned From Happy Couples
Dr. John Gottman’s research looks at happy couples for solutions. He has discovered that even though all couples experience conflict in their marriages, happy couples apparently know how to handle their disagreements because of a foundation of affection and friendship. Unhappy couples do not have this skill set.
Generally, marriage and relationship researchers suggest that the goal of couple therapy should be to change the patterns of interaction, emotional connection, and communication between the partners.
Marriage Counseling questions
Here are some common questions related to marriage counseling:
When should you seek help of a marriage counselor?
If you and your partner tend to avoid each other’s company, have endless fight over small issues and if your partner is ignoring you then it is time to seek help of a marriage counselor. The questions mentioned above will also help you figure out if you really need a marriage counselor.
How much does marriage counseling cost?
Recent data says that most marriage counselors charge between $50 and $150 an hour on average. Most counselors recommend at least three months of therapy (12 weeks) with one session per week. Some counselors will drop down to $30 an hour and others may go up to over $150 an hour, but $50-$150 is the average.
Will a marriage counselor suggest divorce?
Even in an abusive relationship, a couples therapist will likely not suggest divorce. They will, however, help the victim find separation and seek help. Therapists will do everything they can to keep their clients safe. Marriages often break down due to communications problems.
What is the success rate of Marriage Counseling?
The good news is that couples counseling as it is currently practiced using Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT) developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, is now roughly 75 percent effective, according to the American Psychological Association.
Don’t Wait to seek help from a marriage counselor
If you think your marriage is in trouble, do not wait. Seek help as soon as possible from an online marriage counselor first. Plan to budget money and time for this treatment. However, the cost of marriage counseling is very affordable. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to get your relationship back on track. Find professional couples counseling or attend sessions with a certified marriage counselor.
